Short clean jokes

Short clean jokes

1. Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly, usually for the same reason.

2. She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.

3. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

4. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

5. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

6. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

7. Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

8. If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame it on.

9. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

10. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

11. One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.

12. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

13. Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car.

14. Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

15. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.

16. If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

17. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

18. The only time a woman can really succeed in changing a man is when he is a baby.

19. You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

20. Why do tigers live in the jungle? They hate city traffic.

21. Some days you’re the dog, and some days you’re the hydrant.

22. Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.

23. Marriage is the only union that can’t be organized. Both sides think they’re management.

24. What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia!

25. What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.

26. Marriage is all about trust and understanding.
She doesn’t trust me and I don’t understand her.

27. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

28. What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.

29. What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? A Roman Catholic. 

30. What should you do every morning? Wake up.

31. All mothers have intuition. Great mothers have radar.

32. Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does milk.

33. I try to see the best in everyone. They, however, are trying harder to hide it from me.

34. Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.

35. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

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