Very funny short jokes

Very funny short jokes

1. How do you know when you’re really in love? You don’t have to hold your farts in anymore.

2. What can you put in your right hand but not your left? Your left elbow.

3. What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? Roberto.

4. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

5. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

6. God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested.

7. We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

8. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

9. Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening”, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

10. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

11. Lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math.

12. A deaf husband and a blind wife make a happy couple.

13. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

14. If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.

15. Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.

16. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

17. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.

18. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

19. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

20. Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

21. The woman cries before the wedding the man afterward.

22. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

23. Hospitality is making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

24. I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.

25. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

26. God must love stupid people. He made so many.

27. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

28. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

29. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

30. If you made a belt out of old watch straps, would it be a waist of time?

31. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

32. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

33. How do you seduce a fat woman? Piece of cake.

34. Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

35. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

36. Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

37. Want to look thinner? Hang out with fat people.

38. What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.

39. Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience.

40. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

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